This is not how you cross the border (Part 1/2)

I'd admit, it was a dumb idea, one which I wholeheartedly  regret.If I could turn back time, this would be something that I'd erase from the fabric of my being.  

It was the day before yesterday when I foolishly decided to drive across to Blaine. I considered it to be practice for that class 5 road test. You know, high ways, mergers, and the like. No big deal. Save for the fact that I hadn't driven for a year, it was snowy and icy, and I was driving a friend's car without snow tires. What's more?...I was up for the adventure. I just had to drive slowly.

On the highway, I was going about 10-20 km/h below the speed limit--in the less-icy fast lane. The inner lane, however, was covered in ice and snow. The cars in this lane were moving slower than I was. Off the road, I saw a car spun out and stuck in a ditch. Then the car behind honking at me for going to slowly. I was below the speed limit but didn't he know that I was doing my best in these conditions? I maintained my speed so he passed me in the other lane at 100. But he didn't slow down for the ensuing windy turn; he underturned and screeched to a stop off the road. Needless to say, I passed him slowly and surely and not without a grin. 

Of course, more incidences came. Minutes after, I drove off the highway (my mistake) and had to pull off my first U-turn to get back on. I understand that such a maneuver is both illegal and commonplace. Soon after that I was in the inner lane, wanting to switch into the outer. However, I was taking too long in shoulder checking, and lost sight of the road ahead. Peter (in the passenger seat) yelled, "Watch out!" Eyes shot forward--the car in front slammed on its brakes and attempted to steer off the road but still had a part of its rear in my lane. Thankfully, my reflexes kicked in and I quickly steered to the left (partly into the outer lane, avoiding collision) and promptly back into my lane (avoiding getting rear-ended by the car split seconds behind in the outer lane). Phew! We looked at each other with sighs of relief, a feeling that I hoped we wouldn't need to have again today.

We arrived at the border expecting a 10 min wait but I counted 25 cars ahead of us in the queue. No big deal: just a 30-40 min wait. Oh, and by this time the gas pilot light was on (I'm such an idiot). We had begun our journey with half a tank full and my friend had said that it would be enough to get me across the border where there was a gas station a block away. I knew that this meant I had 30 min before the car would die. The cars in front of me weren't moving so I turned off the engine, heart racing in disbelief.

--
Jason Tu

The Vancouver Crossing Guard

Imagine a tanned, highly-built 40-year-old lady with whistle. With leopard tights, pink top, and pink lipstick. With a teddy-bear from her childhood strapped onto her waist by belt…Now imagine this whole package on a pair of rollerblades…to help pedestrians, you and I alike to cross streets safely.

This was the sight the other afternoon while we were crossing Cambie and Broadway. She was spinning like a ballerina beside the driver’s door of a car that had stopped at the red light. The walk sign was blinking a wild orange-red as I was halfway across the walk; it was at this time that she stopped her graceful spin—and gave me a stare so cold and serious that I could not help but smile at.

“3—3; 2—2; 1—,” the walk sign flashed.

She skated over to us, on her a complexion of determination.

“Let’s go tub-tub,” she said in a Terminator-like tone and began using her hands and body to get us to cross the street before we get run over.

“Let’s go, let’s go. C’mon guys. I work out three times a day. Flat stomach.” She patted her stomach.

By the time we had crossed that particular street, it was time to cross the next. Of course, she skated ahead with us. And when she got to the other side, she did her ballerina spin, knees bent, by the 99 stop.

When the cars stopped once more and it was safe to cross the next cross walk, she was off—gone to fulfill her life’s calling, gone before I could gather my thoughts of what had just passed.

She has also been spotted Downtown. Has anyone else seen her?

The kitten-kite runner

I was sitting on a park bench when I saw a strange sight, one of which I could not help but smirk at. A woman--fully clothed from head to toe as if underneath was an invisible being—walked before me. In her gloved hands was a leash. And at the end of this leash, was not a dog, but a kitten. They sat down on the edge of a water fountain in front of me. Her radio was blaring, her sunglasses reflecting a sinister glare from the sun. She took out a comb and began combing her cat who lay down as if it were royalty. As fur balls floated into the air like puffs of smoke and into my face, I hoped with all my heart that they would leave me alone.

My wish came true:  a toddler, waddling like a penguin, entered the scene. Smiling, he kissed the kitten on the lips and laughed. Disgusted the kitten moved over to another segment of the water fountain, but the toddler stumbled over, kissing the feline once more. This resulted in the cat running over to the nearest tree, while its cloaked owner hung onto the still-intact leash.    

Then, while the owner hung onto the leash, the kitten climbed the tree. It was as if the cat was a kite and its owner its runner… an invisible woman running a kitten-kite. But it seemed as if the kite was stuck in this tree since the kitten did not know how to get down. Within minutes, crows perched on the branches directly above that which the cat was clinging onto. They cawed a teasing caw, knowing that the cat was stuck and wouldn’t be able to claw at them.

Seeing that the kitten was in distress, a passerby returned with a stool for it to jump onto to get down. But the kitten refused to jump; and the passerby refused to give up. He said that he would return with a ladder, but before he returned the kitten jumped, caught itself on a branch with its arms, hung there like a gorilla, then leaped headfirst onto the trunk, and then onto the grass. (All this took place while its owner held onto its leash and watched patiently). And so with the leash still intact, the lady walked its cat out of the park as if this was a daily happening.

Minutes later, the man returned with a ladder. His hands were blackened and his hair had twigs in it. Standing by the tree and scratching his head, he let out a sigh of relief and of disappointment.

Strathcona Dental Fair at Britannia

Strathcona Dental Fair

Britannia Secondary School

It took about the same amount of time to get to Britannia as it does to commute to UBC on the 49th bus. In retrospect I should've taken the skytrain but I ended up arriving on time anyways.

We had our first presentation in a home-ec room, evident in the stoves, cupboards, and bag of oats. We, the pre-dent students, all stood at the front of the classroom and in pairs gave mini speeches on different components onoral health. My partner was Aaron Monga. Our part was "nutrition." I started off strong, read off the page for a line or two, then decided that the script was useless. So I put it down and gave a natural conversational on alternative sugars and the importance of fluoride.

Immediately following the mini speeches, we broke the class into groups and disctributed ourselves among them. The objective? To teach the kids how to brush and floss, techniques for which I did not have knowledge when I was in high school. I learned that it is best to have each of the kids to introduce himself and show us how they brush. After, I would show them the correct way. In return, they would mimic me. We ended with a bunch of questions designed on the fly to test their knowledge. Within 5-10 minutes we ran out of things to say and resorted to asking the kids which subjects they liked best.